Ow.

Bad pain day. My middle feels like someone's got a tightening vice around it. I'm bleeding very badly. And since each time just seems to get worse, whether I can afford it or not I need to go out today and pick up the medications that Dr. Satya prescribed. One of them's supposed to cut down the bleeding, and I'm praying to any listening deity that it really works.

Every time this happens now I want to cry. Not because of hormones, but because I know I'm in for almost two weeks of hell. Two weeks of a disrupted life. Two weeks of this affecting everything, from my adherence and attendance at work, to whether or not I can go out and get groceries because I don't want to be away from home too long in case of an... accident. Because I know from the moment it starts that somewhere along the line there's going to be pain that I have to force myself through, and the vast majority of people don't like making concessions for all of this. It means two weeks of having to drink pretty much nothing but a tea that helps make it a bit better, and it wouldn't be so bad but I've had to drink so much of it over the past months that drinking it now makes me feel like gagging sometimes.

I understand why Dr. Satya didn't want to consider surgery right away. I really do. But today, right now, part of me wishes she'd said, "You're right, this is far too serious to wait another moment, let's get you into surgery next week so that we can get you back to living your life properly."

It's really hard to keep a positive attitude on days like today. It's days like today when I really appreciate the spoon theory; it so accurately works for what I'm going through.

But I should go out and get the first part of today's chores over with. Pick up the medication. Painkillers. Drop those forms off at my doctor's office. Then come home and rest for a while before I have to go back out again later.

(This song makes me feel better on bad days. I don't know where I'd be without it right now.)