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Effing exhausted.
Apr. 5th, 2013 08:34 amI'm really disgusted with how this whole thing has been handled. I'm strongly tempted to report the whole damn thing to someone, because the level of medical neglect hasn't exactly been criminal, but it has been detrimental to my health. In multiple ways.
Let me back up a little. Today's the day I go into surgery to have tissue cut out of my uterus and to have an IUD inserted that will hopefully control my bleeding a bit better.
Problem 1) Dr. S didn't tell me anything about the IUD other than where it goes. She didn't address any side effects or risks until after I'd called her to ask her questions after I'd done my own research. I was particularly concerned that more than 10% of women experience depression, and seeing as how I'd already been treated for that 3 times and suffered from it for years, that was a bit of an issue for me. Also the pain. Also the fact that because for the first 3-6 months a patient with an IUD tends to bleed really heavily, they won't even know if the fucking thing's working for maybe half a year, and if it doesn't, what happens then? None of this was addressed until I asked. Not even a brief mention of, "Sometimes women on this bleed irregularly for a while, and it might hurt a little going in." Nothing. Until I did my own homework.
So flash forward a little more. There were 2 pills, misoprostol, that I had to, er, insert the night before, so last night.
What Dr. S told me: These open the cervix. They're cheap.
What the pharmacist told me: Ignore the fact sheet; the symptoms listed on it are for when you take this stuff orally. Some women may feel mild contractions.
What the surgical prep-team at the hospital told me: (Wasn't mentioned at all. I don't even know if they know Dr. S prescribed the stuff.)
Why is this an issue? Because last night I woke up with really bad cramps. REALLY bad. So bad I threw up. Multiple times. My skin felt like it was on fire but I couldn't stop shivering. In the end, when I was reaching the point of exhaustion where I could no longer sit up on the toilet, I gave up and just half-lay half-fell on the bathroom floor to rest. I think I fell asleep there for a few minutes, then dragged my sorry ass and painful midsection to the couch, where I fell into an exhausted sleep once my body was just too far gone to keep me awake through the pain.
This wasn't abnormal. Yeah, the stuff I took? It does open the cervix. It is cheap. "Mild contracions" can go fuck themselves, though, because according to medical and drug websites, what that stuff actually does is open the cervix by mimicking a fucking miscarriage, stimulating the effects of labour.
Thank you, NOBODY, for even giving me a slight bit of warning for what I would experience. I can easily say that this was the most pain I'd ever experienced. I've thrown up from pain before, but not so much, and the pain then wasn't as bad as it was last night. On that 1-10 pain scale, it was easily spiking between an 8 and a 9. About once every half a minute.
So now I'm exhausted, and not looking forward to the surgery today. I can't even tell myself that after today it'll all be over, because of the months it'll take to even tell if the IUD's working. I don't know if the fact that the cramps and nausea have died down means that my cervix is no longer open the way they need it; the pharmacist told me to take it the night before, and I'm pretty sure Dr. S did too, but since she prescribed that stuff to me at the end of February and it's now the beginning of April, and she didn't write anything down about it, I just trusted the pharmacist.
But if that was wrong, are they doing to have to do something else that's even more painful? They're going to put me to sleep, I know, but I'll still have to deal with the after-effects of it all, and now I'm even more worried that it's going to go wrong.
I could cry right now. Tears of anger and frustration and I feel like I'm right back at the beginning, not knowing what's going to happen tomorrow. Dr. S had told me that I should be fine to go back to work on Monday. I ignored that and got my family doctor to keep me out until the following Tuesday, because what Dr. S seems to constantly ignore is that I'm out of work right now due to serious anemia that came about because -- SURPRISE! -- I've been bleeding too heavily. With her cutting away tissue, she told me to expect heavy bleeding for at least 3 days. Then the IUD will likely keep me bleeding heavily too. I honestly wonder if I'm going to go back to work on April 16 and end up wearing myself down too quickly because once again, all my hard work in combatting the anemia will be undone.
This is why I wish she'd just take the whole damn organ out. But no, because I someday may want babies (and because I'm young my opinion on not wanting kids isn't to be trusted, because "you never know what's around the corner"), they have to play things safe for as long as possible. Even if it's actually making my health worse in the meantime. Give me a hysterectomy and I take 6 weeks off work to heal, and I'm recovering from anemia at the same time and won't run the risk of bleeding away my hemoglobin every month again.
Putting me on birth control and pills to lessen the bleeding was a good first step, and I can't deny that. But she got the results of the blood test, showing I was anemic enough to need a goddamn transfusion. Twice. Three times now, since the pre-op team ordered another set to make sure I was at least starting to get better. But then the birth control didn't work, and bled for 6 weeks. And it took about a week on a double-dose of the birth control pills to make me stop bleeding entirely. She knows I'm out of work. She knows that when I do bleed, there are entire days when I have to run to the bathroom once an hour. Sometimes more. Sometimes every half an hour. Sometimes ten minutes after the last time! She knows, because I've told her. Multiple times. But I honestly thinks she thinks I'm exaggerating, because she doesn't seem at all concerned that I haven't been able to work for 2 and a half months, that I've been written up for excessive absenteeism because of associated health problems (before I went on this medical leave, I was a single write-up away from losing my job over my attendance). But playing it safe and making sure that I still might be able to have babies someday is more important than allowing me to leave my apartment (which I can't on bad days; hence the absenteeism), risking strokes and fatal clots (double doses of birth control pills plus sometimes the pills to make me stop bleeding so heavily), and lowering my hemoglobin level to the point of needing transfusion (twice it's been recommended, twice I've refused, stupidly, because I doubt this will kill me and I know that I can recover through rest, and the car accident victim who needs a transfusion isn't going to be so lucky).
Yup, eventual future offspring (which I don't even want) are way more important than my current quality of life.
I can't keep ranting about this. My head hurts, my middle's starting to cramp up again (a good sign?), and I want to go lie down before I have to take 2 buses and get knocked out so that people can mangle my insides a little. If you've read this far, thanks, and wish me luck today. I'm too tired to be that nervous, but I think I still need the luck.
Let me back up a little. Today's the day I go into surgery to have tissue cut out of my uterus and to have an IUD inserted that will hopefully control my bleeding a bit better.
Problem 1) Dr. S didn't tell me anything about the IUD other than where it goes. She didn't address any side effects or risks until after I'd called her to ask her questions after I'd done my own research. I was particularly concerned that more than 10% of women experience depression, and seeing as how I'd already been treated for that 3 times and suffered from it for years, that was a bit of an issue for me. Also the pain. Also the fact that because for the first 3-6 months a patient with an IUD tends to bleed really heavily, they won't even know if the fucking thing's working for maybe half a year, and if it doesn't, what happens then? None of this was addressed until I asked. Not even a brief mention of, "Sometimes women on this bleed irregularly for a while, and it might hurt a little going in." Nothing. Until I did my own homework.
So flash forward a little more. There were 2 pills, misoprostol, that I had to, er, insert the night before, so last night.
What Dr. S told me: These open the cervix. They're cheap.
What the pharmacist told me: Ignore the fact sheet; the symptoms listed on it are for when you take this stuff orally. Some women may feel mild contractions.
What the surgical prep-team at the hospital told me: (Wasn't mentioned at all. I don't even know if they know Dr. S prescribed the stuff.)
Why is this an issue? Because last night I woke up with really bad cramps. REALLY bad. So bad I threw up. Multiple times. My skin felt like it was on fire but I couldn't stop shivering. In the end, when I was reaching the point of exhaustion where I could no longer sit up on the toilet, I gave up and just half-lay half-fell on the bathroom floor to rest. I think I fell asleep there for a few minutes, then dragged my sorry ass and painful midsection to the couch, where I fell into an exhausted sleep once my body was just too far gone to keep me awake through the pain.
This wasn't abnormal. Yeah, the stuff I took? It does open the cervix. It is cheap. "Mild contracions" can go fuck themselves, though, because according to medical and drug websites, what that stuff actually does is open the cervix by mimicking a fucking miscarriage, stimulating the effects of labour.
Thank you, NOBODY, for even giving me a slight bit of warning for what I would experience. I can easily say that this was the most pain I'd ever experienced. I've thrown up from pain before, but not so much, and the pain then wasn't as bad as it was last night. On that 1-10 pain scale, it was easily spiking between an 8 and a 9. About once every half a minute.
So now I'm exhausted, and not looking forward to the surgery today. I can't even tell myself that after today it'll all be over, because of the months it'll take to even tell if the IUD's working. I don't know if the fact that the cramps and nausea have died down means that my cervix is no longer open the way they need it; the pharmacist told me to take it the night before, and I'm pretty sure Dr. S did too, but since she prescribed that stuff to me at the end of February and it's now the beginning of April, and she didn't write anything down about it, I just trusted the pharmacist.
But if that was wrong, are they doing to have to do something else that's even more painful? They're going to put me to sleep, I know, but I'll still have to deal with the after-effects of it all, and now I'm even more worried that it's going to go wrong.
I could cry right now. Tears of anger and frustration and I feel like I'm right back at the beginning, not knowing what's going to happen tomorrow. Dr. S had told me that I should be fine to go back to work on Monday. I ignored that and got my family doctor to keep me out until the following Tuesday, because what Dr. S seems to constantly ignore is that I'm out of work right now due to serious anemia that came about because -- SURPRISE! -- I've been bleeding too heavily. With her cutting away tissue, she told me to expect heavy bleeding for at least 3 days. Then the IUD will likely keep me bleeding heavily too. I honestly wonder if I'm going to go back to work on April 16 and end up wearing myself down too quickly because once again, all my hard work in combatting the anemia will be undone.
This is why I wish she'd just take the whole damn organ out. But no, because I someday may want babies (and because I'm young my opinion on not wanting kids isn't to be trusted, because "you never know what's around the corner"), they have to play things safe for as long as possible. Even if it's actually making my health worse in the meantime. Give me a hysterectomy and I take 6 weeks off work to heal, and I'm recovering from anemia at the same time and won't run the risk of bleeding away my hemoglobin every month again.
Putting me on birth control and pills to lessen the bleeding was a good first step, and I can't deny that. But she got the results of the blood test, showing I was anemic enough to need a goddamn transfusion. Twice. Three times now, since the pre-op team ordered another set to make sure I was at least starting to get better. But then the birth control didn't work, and bled for 6 weeks. And it took about a week on a double-dose of the birth control pills to make me stop bleeding entirely. She knows I'm out of work. She knows that when I do bleed, there are entire days when I have to run to the bathroom once an hour. Sometimes more. Sometimes every half an hour. Sometimes ten minutes after the last time! She knows, because I've told her. Multiple times. But I honestly thinks she thinks I'm exaggerating, because she doesn't seem at all concerned that I haven't been able to work for 2 and a half months, that I've been written up for excessive absenteeism because of associated health problems (before I went on this medical leave, I was a single write-up away from losing my job over my attendance). But playing it safe and making sure that I still might be able to have babies someday is more important than allowing me to leave my apartment (which I can't on bad days; hence the absenteeism), risking strokes and fatal clots (double doses of birth control pills plus sometimes the pills to make me stop bleeding so heavily), and lowering my hemoglobin level to the point of needing transfusion (twice it's been recommended, twice I've refused, stupidly, because I doubt this will kill me and I know that I can recover through rest, and the car accident victim who needs a transfusion isn't going to be so lucky).
Yup, eventual future offspring (which I don't even want) are way more important than my current quality of life.
I can't keep ranting about this. My head hurts, my middle's starting to cramp up again (a good sign?), and I want to go lie down before I have to take 2 buses and get knocked out so that people can mangle my insides a little. If you've read this far, thanks, and wish me luck today. I'm too tired to be that nervous, but I think I still need the luck.
