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Optimism. I remember optimism.
Sep. 27th, 2012 09:47 amI don't know why, but today I'm feeling optimistic about many things. Like I want to actually go and get things done. I want to go out sit at The Infusion with a nice cup of tea and a good book. I want to sit down and design patterns for little plushies. I want to work on a Buffalaxed music video. I want to work on the scripting for a movie review. I want to write up some articles for HubPages, since I recently got back into doing that. And I want to do all of this without feeling terribly overwhelmed by the idea of having so many projects and so little time to do them in.
Maybe it's because I know that it's a work day and I don't actually have the ability to do any of these right now. But even so, usually that leaves me feeling bitter and resentful that I can't devote more time to my more enjoyable hobbies.
Maybe I'm changing for the better?
I finished Mercedes Lackey's Owlsight yesterday (a reread for the umpteenth time, but necessary for the Great Valdemar Reread that I'm doing on Bibliotropic), and I'm about halfway through Cassandra Rose Clarke's The Assassin's Curse, which is a much better piece of YA fiction than I expected it to be. I've gotten kind of burned out on YA lately, been disappointed by too many books that fizzle instead of shine, that sound good but are more focused on OMG TEEN ROMANCE than actual plot development. Which kind of sucks right now, since there are actually a bunch of YA novels coming out soon that I've committed to reading, and that I know will be good, but I can't quite bring myself to want to read them that much.
But taking a chance on this one has so far been worth it. Maybe it'll rekindle my interest enough to make me pick up Mike Mullin's Ashen Winter afterward. That's one I'm fairly sure I'll enjoy, if it's as good as the first book he wrote.
But interspersing the YA with some of my beloved Lackey works is a good way of getting over the slump, I think.
And then I have to get back to reading Michael Sullivan's Theft of Swords. I'm not too concerned with finishing that one quickly, mind, since it's a monster of a book, but I don't want to leave it alone too long or else I might fall into that old habit of not actually returning to it.
Pay day tomorrow! Not that I'm expecting much (a week of being sick will do that to a person), but it'll be enough to pay the bills and maybe pick up a few groceries. I think I might splurge on some perogies, since I haven't had them in a while. I think there's still some ham and cheese in the fridge, too, so I might be daring on Sunday and make some ham-and-cheese rolls. Not the healthiest, but still delicious, and certainly far better than me grabbing a muffin or a granola bar for a snack!
Must remember to call my doctor's office on Monday to see if they got my ultrasound results yet. That anxiety is still low in the back of my mind, and I don't think I'll be able to rest easy until I know the results and what's going to be done about them. Not knowing is the hardest part right now. I know that there's almost no chance it's cancer (there's about a 0.001% chance it is, and I'm not putting money on those odds), but there are still a few other options, each of which has a few different treatments, and I want to start on the correct one and get these problems fixed. I'm tired of dreading my period. I'm tired of having to run to the bathroom every half an hour for 3 days. I'm tired of not knowing whether I'm going to have a sleepless night as I have to get up every couple of hours to avoid bleeding on the sheets. I'm tired of not knowing whether I'll be bleeding for 6 days or 2 weeks or another bout of bleeding for 6 weeks.
Those results can't come in fast enough, I tell you.
And I know that whatever it is, I can handle it. I just need to know what it is that I'm going to have to handle, and how I'll be handling it. I can't do anything but wait at the moment, and that's frustrating. But when I find out, I'm confident that even if it's difficult, it won't be something that I can't overcome, or at least lessen to the point where I can improve my quality of life.
Maybe it's because I know that it's a work day and I don't actually have the ability to do any of these right now. But even so, usually that leaves me feeling bitter and resentful that I can't devote more time to my more enjoyable hobbies.
Maybe I'm changing for the better?
I finished Mercedes Lackey's Owlsight yesterday (a reread for the umpteenth time, but necessary for the Great Valdemar Reread that I'm doing on Bibliotropic), and I'm about halfway through Cassandra Rose Clarke's The Assassin's Curse, which is a much better piece of YA fiction than I expected it to be. I've gotten kind of burned out on YA lately, been disappointed by too many books that fizzle instead of shine, that sound good but are more focused on OMG TEEN ROMANCE than actual plot development. Which kind of sucks right now, since there are actually a bunch of YA novels coming out soon that I've committed to reading, and that I know will be good, but I can't quite bring myself to want to read them that much.
But taking a chance on this one has so far been worth it. Maybe it'll rekindle my interest enough to make me pick up Mike Mullin's Ashen Winter afterward. That's one I'm fairly sure I'll enjoy, if it's as good as the first book he wrote.
But interspersing the YA with some of my beloved Lackey works is a good way of getting over the slump, I think.
And then I have to get back to reading Michael Sullivan's Theft of Swords. I'm not too concerned with finishing that one quickly, mind, since it's a monster of a book, but I don't want to leave it alone too long or else I might fall into that old habit of not actually returning to it.
Pay day tomorrow! Not that I'm expecting much (a week of being sick will do that to a person), but it'll be enough to pay the bills and maybe pick up a few groceries. I think I might splurge on some perogies, since I haven't had them in a while. I think there's still some ham and cheese in the fridge, too, so I might be daring on Sunday and make some ham-and-cheese rolls. Not the healthiest, but still delicious, and certainly far better than me grabbing a muffin or a granola bar for a snack!
Must remember to call my doctor's office on Monday to see if they got my ultrasound results yet. That anxiety is still low in the back of my mind, and I don't think I'll be able to rest easy until I know the results and what's going to be done about them. Not knowing is the hardest part right now. I know that there's almost no chance it's cancer (there's about a 0.001% chance it is, and I'm not putting money on those odds), but there are still a few other options, each of which has a few different treatments, and I want to start on the correct one and get these problems fixed. I'm tired of dreading my period. I'm tired of having to run to the bathroom every half an hour for 3 days. I'm tired of not knowing whether I'm going to have a sleepless night as I have to get up every couple of hours to avoid bleeding on the sheets. I'm tired of not knowing whether I'll be bleeding for 6 days or 2 weeks or another bout of bleeding for 6 weeks.
Those results can't come in fast enough, I tell you.
And I know that whatever it is, I can handle it. I just need to know what it is that I'm going to have to handle, and how I'll be handling it. I can't do anything but wait at the moment, and that's frustrating. But when I find out, I'm confident that even if it's difficult, it won't be something that I can't overcome, or at least lessen to the point where I can improve my quality of life.
