Entries tagged with food

Current Mood: productive

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Updates.

Last week went by too quickly and yet too slowly. I didn't have any other minor breakdowns or apathetic no-energy days, which is good, but I also feel like I didn't get anything done. Applied for a few jobs. Filled out my EI form. Ran a few errands. Then BAM, the week's over.

And I'm one step closer to my money running out.

I'm trying not to look at it that way. EI will come through, and I will find a new job eventually (the question is when). I have enough money put aside right now to pay July's rent, which is the main thing, as well as buy myself a bus pass so I can get to job interviews. My fridge, freezer, and cupboards are as stocked as they can get, though I suspect I'm going to need more rice and sugar soon. Luckily, both of those things are cheap. I have a little money to get some new clothes, though I'm probably going to have to make my sneakers make do for a little while longer, even though they're leaky and falling apart. My dad gave me money for the Winnipeg trip this coming weekend, and if I'm careful and don't spend all of it, I can put some aside and maybe get a new cheap pair of sneakers when I come back. Or shoes. If I can find something that fits for $30 or less, great!

I can survive. I'm just worried, because EI payments only last for so long, and they're only 60% of what I would have been making had I not been let go, which means my belt has to be tightened and a corner or two must be cut. Hopefully I can find a new job soon, preferably one that pays me $12 an hour or more. Without a roommate, the grocery budget is drastically reduced. Not by half, since I still have cats to feed, but if we spent $200 a month on groceries before, I can get that down to under $150 easily. And $50 saved is my cell phone bill paid for almost 2 months, or the power bill paid for 5-6 weeks.

I have a turkey that I need to carve up todqay and harvest the leftover meat from. Good stuff will probably get turned into meat for stew, and dark meat will probably get turned into sausage meat. Bones get boiled to make stock for the stew. I might be able to eat for another half a week on that thing, and it only cost me $15 because it was on sale for 1/2 price.

been watching reruns of Supernatural lately while I work on new bookmark designs. I did a lot of embroidery when I first watched the show, so that seems fitting. And damn if that show isn't entertaining on so many levels. Especially once Castiel shows up. I confess, I'm a bit Dean/Castiel shipper. Not that this sets me apart from the vast majority of the fandom, really. But the show's a lot of fun to watch, if occasionally a little too intense to watch late at night by myself.

And I'm working on a new bookmark design, too, while watching. The test pattern worked well, so now I just need to make a few others in different colour schemes so that I can get a good picture. They should get listed on the Riality Studios Etsy store some time this coming week.

(Not that it matters, really, since nobody freaking buys the things I make. :/ But I feel like I have to list them for sale, just in case, and any little bit of money is helpful at this point.)

Got some decent reading done last week, too. Jill Murphy's Worst Witch, Lisa Ann O'Kane's Essense, and Julia Mary Gibson's Copper Magic. And I'm over 1/3 of the way through Mercedes Lackey's and James Mallory's The House of Four Winds, the review for which can't be posted until later in July, but I couldn't wait to read it. Princesses and cross-dressing and pirates and adventure just seemed like the perfect book for a rainy weekend!

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a turkey to rip apart!

Current Mood: calm

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First week down, second week begins.

Still jobless. This isn't a surprise; it's only been a week, and even if I'd been lucky enough to get an interview anywhere last week, the turnaround time for jobs, in my experience, is 2-3 weeks from the time of application, if you get anywhere at all.

So I still have plenty of time on my hands at the moment.

I've been cooking more, which is good for me, since it gives me something to do that makes me feel accomplished, and lets me try out potentially tasty new recipes at the same time. I found a recipe for udon made from scratch, actually making the noodles by hand instead of using pre-made ones, and as soon as I can figure out what kind of soup I want to put them in, I'm going to make some for supper, probably later this week. Considering the noodles themselves consist of flour (I have plenty), water (definitely have plenty) and salt (not as much as the others, but still a lot), I can make a lot of tasty meals really cheaply that way. A definite bonus when money is an issue.

And now the window in the kitchen opens, so I can make soup and bread without dying of the heat that having the stove and oven on generates! This makes me very happy, and comes at a good time, since turkeys are currently $1.99 a pound at a nearby grocery store. If I get a $15 turkey, that's a meal or two with roast turkey and vegetables, plenty of leftover meat if I want to make sausage or stuffed turkey buns or any number of things that don't take too much meat, plus the bones and leftover meat also makes a delcious soup. If I buy carrots and potatoes, I can easily stretch $20 of food into a week's worth of meals, using a few others things that I have in to supplement (mostly spices, flour, and water, so I don't tend to count those things in the overall cost of the food I make).

Turkey omelettes are also delicious, and I need to use up the eggs that are in the fridge before they're good for nothing but hard-boiling.

Making slow but good progress in Persona 3 Portable. I abandonned Hard Mode because it was frustrating me too much and the repeated dying I was doing prevented me from doing any decent level-grinding or plot advancement. They're not kidding when they call it Hard Mode! I'll give it another try eventually, but I want to play through more of the game without tearing my hair out. Right now I'm just past the part where Fuuka joins SEES, so now I've got Mitsuru to train in Tartarus, while I try to get enough money together to get everyone's equipment up to snuff. There's not much left that I need to buy, but I like having everyone in top condition as soon as I can.

More specifically, I like being in better-than-top condition; I always overlevel in games if I have the chance, because I'm one of those people who enjoys level-grinding. Always been a little bit weird that way.

Celebrated my birthday on Saturday, which didn't go over as planned but it was still fun. The ice cream cupcakes I was going to buy didn't work out since the store's freezer was broken so they just didn't have any. Then the debit machine was wonky at the second store I went to when I decided, "Fuck it, I still want ice cream, so I'm getting some pumpkin cheesecake frozen yogurt from Yeh!" But I still had a great day, ate a delicious meal at Boaz (and got hooked on edamame), spent time with friends, had delicious strawberry-custard layer cake, bought some tea bags that are specifically designed to make ice tea (the tropical sangria one is delicious, and I haven't yet tried the strawberry basil) and overall had a good time turning 30. There are worse ways to spend a birthday, that's for sure!

Today, though, I'll be spending most of the day off line, since there's a high possibility of thundershowers this afternoon and I don't like using my computer then. A holdover from the desktop days, I suspect, since I can just unplug my laptop from the wall and still have it function perfectly and not worry about the power going out or power surges or anything of the sort. It's just habit.

And since the next 2 weeks are largely free of responsibility (at least work-related responsibility), I've challenged myself to a readathon! I'm planning to read 6 books, finish a 7th that's been half finished for over a month now, and catch up on last month's and this month's Apex magazine. I'm about a third of the way through Julia Mary Gibson's Copper Magic right now, and enjoying it a hell of a lot! It's a quick read, not because it's so short (though it's under 400 pages, so 'short' is relative anyway), but because it's just so engaging. I can't help but keep pushing onward because I'm loving the story and the tone so much. Another one of those cases where I'm surprised that this is the author's debut novel; Gibson is definitely an author to keep an eye on, I'm thinking.

But now I shall vanish into the depths of my To Read pile and enjoy what's left of the merely semi-clouded sky before the rain really starts to roll in.

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A weekend approaches! Command?

Cheques cleared my bank account today so I had a little bit of spending money! Not spare spending money, mind, but it meant I could buy cat food, which was the most important item on my list. I also picked up a load of bread (not great bread, but it'll do for now because it was less than $2), and a small bag of about 10 potatoes that are a little bit past their best but still good so long as I use them quickly (which was only $0.49). This all came to a little over $10, cleared out the remainder of my money, but now the cats have food and I get paid properly next Friday, so I have enough of everything except cat litter to last me.

And I can go out and get cat litter tomorrow or Friday. I'll have to use the credit card, which I don't like to do if there's another option, but, well, there's no other option. So credit it is.

I still have plenty of rice for myself, and pork chops in the freezer, and a giant pork loin that I got weeks ago when it was on sale. And a small salmon steak, which I want to fry, shred, and then turn into the filling for some onigiri. Plus there are still cans of soup in the cupboard, so it's not like I'm lacking for good food. Just variety. And even then I think I've got enough to keep myself culinarily amused for another week and 2 days.

A quick check of the freezer also tells me that I have ground beef, so I could make myself some delicious hamburgers as a quick tasty meal, too. I'll go through bread more quickly that way, but hey, homemade hamburgers! Who can say no to them?

Finished Betsy Dornbusch's Exile yesterday, and I'm almost 1/4 of the way through Craig Cormick's The Shadow Master already. It's a quicker read than I thought, and I should be able to finish it tomorrow. I don't even think I'd need to push too hard to achieve that, either, which is nice because it'll mean I can start on Jeff Salyards's Veil of the Deserters that much sooner. I've been looking forward to it for a while, and Night Shade was good enough to send me a review copy, and I promised both him and myself that I'd start it as soon as I was finished with the 2 books I had scheduled as part of upcoming book tours (Kat Ross's Some Fine Day and Craig Cormick's The Shadow Master).

It's another cold night. The afternoon was fine, mostly clear skies with enough of a breeze to keep me comfortable as I walked back from work, but the area's under a frost warning for tonight and it's currently only a few degrees above 0. I still have a second blanket on the bed, and the heat's up to keep the worst of the chill away, not just for my sake but also for the cats. I'll be happy when this cold snap ends.

I'm also thankful that this cold snap didn't hit at this time last year. I was still only a couple of weeks post-surgery at this time last year, struggling to get mobility and stamina back, and I discovered that hot and cold made the incision hurt more, as well as incoming storms. It was bad enough the way it was, with decent weather until most of the healing had been done. I wince to think of going through it all with nightly chills like this.

Current Mood: accomplished

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Updates of the non-annoying kind

~ Managed to spill Ribena on about 2 dozen embroidered bookmarks last night. Quick action and a soak in some near-boiling water with Woolite did the trick, though, and in spite of the Ribena being spilled on white cloth, no stains remain. This makes me beyond happy, since it's not like those bookmarks took no time or effort to make. 2 dozen of them would amount to about a week's worth of evenings, doing nothing but embroidering from supper until bedtime, and I'm glad I didn't lose all that work.
~ ~ Though in a pinch, I was prepared to stain them all with Ribena if I couldn't lift the stain, just to make the cloth uniform in colour. I had a backup plan, but I'm glad I didn't have to use it.

~ Washed my giant comforter today, did some dishes, and cleaned off a messy counter in the kitchen. Hurrah for productivity.

~ Am about to start making supper. Baked pork chops, with a sauce made from cola, brown sugar, and ketchup, and rice on the side. Easy as anything to make, and tasty. Good for days when I want a good meal but don't want to or can't put a lot of work into it.

~ Got some good reading time in today, too. Though I should be reading the last bits of Rachel Neumeier's Black Dog, I decided to take a break and reread Janet McNoughton's The Secret Under my Skin, since I saw it on my bookshelf and realized it had been a while since I'd last read it. It's a quick book, and I'm about 30 pages from the end, and I've really only been reading it between other chores. So, not too bad.

~ Actually managed to fit some singing in today, too, which made me wince because I'm sorely out of practice again and my range has decreased. Again. One of the few benefits to being off work for so long last time was being able to spend so much time alone so that I could sing without worry of anyone hearing me, but since I went back to work, I haven't had much time for that. I'm disappointed in myself, really, because singing's good for me. Good for my lungs, good for my mood.
~ ~ And when stuff was too challenging for me to sing along to, well, it's not like I was complaining at listening to Adam Lambert's amazing voice without my own getting in the way!

~ Watched a couple of episodes of Chiritotechin, too. It's nice that the episodes are only 15 minutes long, so I can squeeze one in while I'm waiting for dishes to dry, or between loads of laundry. It's a surprisingly entertaining show, and I'm enjoying it so far.

Current Music: Econoline Crush - The Devil You Know

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Lifey-type updates

~ Didn't budget for things properly, and now I only just have enough money for rent but not to pay anything on credit cards or get groceries. Luckily there are still a lot of groceries in, but I wanted to do something special for Samhain, and now I might not be able to do what I wanted to do for that. Might just have to see if I can accomplish some kitchen magic and only use what I already have.
~ ~ Doing that wouldn't be so bad, since it would pretty much only involve me missing out on making a chicken pie. I have vegetables, I have a peameal-encrusted ham, I have the stuff for a decent dessert, even if it wouldn't be what I originally wanted to do. But I don't doubt that I could still make tasty things, even if I have to be a little more frugal.
~ ~ ~ Being low on money does suck because I currently have a cold and don't have any daytime cold meds, though, to help me get through the day. I'll live, obviously, but it won't be comfortable for a bit. :/

~ I ended up losing everything I'd accomplished in Pokemon X thanks to that Lumiose save glitch. :/ So I had to start over. I'm trying not to look at that in too negative a light, since I was struggling to build a decent team due to choosing Fennekin in the beginning, and I seemed to be having lousy encounter rates for some things (it took me over an hour of hunting to find a freaking Pikachu!), so a restart wasn't the end of the world. I think I'm doing much better this time around, even if it's slow going because I've only been able to play for an hour or two a day, at most.
~ ~ If anyone wants to know, my 3DS friend code is 4914-3830-2347. If you play Pokemon (or any games, really) and want to add me, feel free, and I'll do the same if you give me your code.

~ NaNoWriMo is fast approaching, and I actually have an idea this time, and I hope this year won't be like every other year, where I go full steam ahead for a while and then get stuck and start working on another idea instead. I get to my wordcount goal, but I end up with two unfinished stories instead of one, and it's frustrating. I'm not worried about making the wordcount goal, at least, since even if I just take 5 minutes between calls to write at work, I usually end up getting 3-4k words written over the course of a shift. I've written reviews and short stories that way before, nobody cares so long as I keep my stats decent, so I can't see why November would suddenly change that,

~ Still chugging along with reading, though I keep falling behind in my goals there. I read at work when I can (breaks and lunch), but I spent a couple of weeks playing Pokemon on my days off (before I lost the save file), so that meant about six hours a day for two days in which I didn't read, and that's a lot of reading time. I'm trying not to do that so much. Even if I don't get as much of the game played, I need to keep up with reading more than I need to play a game. With luck and good timing I should be able to finish Veronica Roth's Allegiant today, and then I can get back to Jaime Lee Moyer's Delia's Shadow. Probably be able to finish that by the end of this weekend, too.
~ ~ It'll get easier, too, if I just forgo leaving work right when I leave to walk uptown for an earlier bus home. A bus goes right by work half an hour after my shift ends, which means that if I just stay and wait for that bus, I save myself a 20 minute walk in the cold (then a 20 minute wait for the next bus that gets me home), and give myself half an hour in which I can read. Extends my daily reading time from 1 hour plus commute time to 1.5 hours plus commute time, which is a significant boost.

~ There's every chance I might end up moving to another province in about a year and a half. Rachel might end up getting a good job in Charlottetown, and while some people might see that as a step backwards (PEI isn't known for much besides potatoes and Anne of Green Gables), the university there will allow me to work for a degree that will get me one step closer to my own goals, and Rachel will still be able to work at a good job in a city we both know we like. It's only a possibility, but I've got my fingers crossed that it works out that way.

~ Weather's definitely getting a lot colder. I mean, I know that this is Canada. In October. But brr, does it have to be constantly dipping to the freezing mark? temperatures don't get very high even at noon now, the leaves aren't so much turned as fluttering off the trees with every puff of breeze, and I don't relish the really cold days when my lungs will seize up and refuse to let me breathe properly. :/ Well, just another reason to stay in after work and catch that later bus so I don't have to walk in that weather, right?

Current Mood: cheerful

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Sunny days and cool nights.

10 days to go until the surgery. If you're wondering whether or not I'm nervous... I so totally am. Not about the surgery itself (because even if that goes wrong, then all that happens is she removes my uterus entirely instead of just the tumour, and that's no bad thing because then the tumour can't grow back), but about the recovery. First I was told 4 weeks. Then 6 weeks. Then 6-8 weeks. Nobody's given me any sort of time frame in which I can expect to be doing or not doing certain things (am I going to end up pretty much in bed for a week? Am I going to be okay to take short walks after a few weeks? Am I going to feel mostly like ass for a month?), so what worries me the most is that I don't know what to expect when. And since I have a bad habit of feeling fine one day and so pushing myself too hard, I really don't want to do that when I have an incision in my belly. Nor do I want to take it too easy when moving around a little more would be better for me.

Still, not much I can do about that in the meantime, and I'll be sure to get more info from them before I leave the hospital anyway.

I've been taking the time to enjoy as much outdoorsy time as I can, now that the weather's nice. I've gone for walks almost every day, even if they're just short ones, and while my feet aren't thanking me much, I feel better having spent some time under the sun. It's nice even just to walk 5 minutes to the little park next to the old museum!

I'm of two minds whether to engage in a bit of a cooking spree next week. I fancy some fresh bread, and I know I have all the ingredients in to make it, but the trouble is that I don't know if I want to go through the hassle of baking it from scratch. Even if most of that hassle is just me sitting around and playing the waiting game while the dough rises and bakes and stuff. But mmm, the smell of bread baking is so tempting!

Also there's a cornmeal-rolled pork roast sitting in the freezer that's been begging me to cook it for a while. That, fortunately, can probably just go in the slow cooker and I won't have to do another thing to it until it's ready to be eaten, so that's no chore at all to prepare. That'll probably be done up next week, even if I don't bake bread.

Also kind of feeling the urge to do some sewing again lately. Might save that for the days following surgery in which I really don't want to get out of bed. I can just sit there and sew to my heart's content, and come away from it feeling like I at least did something productive that day. Maybe I'll come out of it with some stuff I can try to sell. My Etsy store's been closed for months, and I kind of feel bad that I've gotten so caught up in reading again that I haven't had any time for sewing. Even when I haven't been at work and have had the extra time!

Maybe I should stop level-grinding in Pokemon while I'm watching Fringe and instead try to sew or something while the episodes are on. Might work out a bit better, at least while I'm still getting the urge to do crafty stuff again.

Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: Mission UK - Tower of Strength

Entry tags:

The life I've been leading

~ Haven't made too much progress with Hard Mode in Persona 3 Portable, because it's incredibly frustrating when I've spent half an hour level-grinding and then I get ambushed by things that cast Mudo on me and undo everything I just worked at doing. Yeah. At least I've made it far enough to have a more fleshed-out Persona lineup, instead of just having 3 things at my disposal. For a while I had nothing that coulf cast Zio, and that was ticking me off. Finally fused Omoikane, though, and now that element's covered nicely. Really should get back to playing, though; I was enjoying the challenge.

~ After my tax return came in, I decided to be a little bad and decided to buy myself a new video game. Of course, I only decided this after I had to stop by EB Games (downloading Meloetta for 3 Pokemon games) and found a copy of FFT for the PSP, and for only $9.99. I have the original version, and I know that some of the spell effects of the remake slow things down a bit, but I seem to be much more keen on handheld gaming than console gaming these days, and it was a good price. Plus I got to see an old friend who now works there, so it was a good thing all around.

~ In other video game news, I've started playing Diablo II again. Took such a long break that one of my characters had expired, so now I need to build him up again. I actually think I'm having better luck this time around, at least when it comes to item drops. Pretty happy about that!

~ Finished Gillian Philip's Firebrand and can't wait for the sequel. I wished the sequel was out as soon as I finished the first book, really, because I didn't want to put the story aside! Instead of lamenting that for too long, I just picked up A M dellamonica's Indigo Springs, and got to marvel over how much one of the characters was like a friend I used to have in high school. When this character is something of a diva who apparently ends up discovering that magic is real and goes on to create a cult and sets herself up as a goddess... Yeah, that ought to tell you a fair bit about this person. It's kind of uncomfortable to read, actually, because of the similarities these two have, at least in their personality.

~ Today's going to be a long day, and I'm not entirely looking forward to it. First, I have to wait to call my father because he's on the other side of the country and it's far too early to call him yet. But I need to call him before I go out because I need info from him so I can pick up money that he's sending to me via Western Union, so that I can buy the IUD I need for next Friday's procedure. Then once I've called him, I have to head to the hospital and get yet more blood drawn, to see if my iron levels have improved enough. Then it's off to Western Union to get the money. Then the pharmacy so that I can get the IUD. I expect to go out before noon and not get home until mid-afternoon, and ugh, that seems like such a long day! I know it really isn't, and that I shouldn't complain too much because I'm doing positive things that need doing, but long days still tire me out.

I suppose if I get too tired, it'll at least mean I should sleep well tonight. *knocks on wood*

I'll call him in a couple of hours; should be early for him but not so early that I'll feel really guilty about it.

~ Haven't been doing much cooking lately, and I really miss it. My roommate's been doing most of the cooking so that I can get as much rest as I can before the procedure and before I go back to work. Maybe next week I'll make something delicious. Not sure what yet, but I'll think of something. Maybe something in the slow cooker; that way it'll be easy and not require much work if I'm having an off day, but I'll still feel accomplished and it'll take some of the pressure off my roommate. Maybe I'll see if I have the stuff to make pulled pork sandwiches; they were delicious last time I made them!

~ Happily, the weather's warming up nicely. We still get flurries every once in a while, but it doesn't stay on the ground for longer than a day, and we're getting more rain as the days go on. It's nice to see the giant snowbanks start disappearing, and to be able to wait for the bus without bundling up and still feeling cold. If there's any blessing to having had so much time off work, it's that I missed the worst of the winter and will get to go back once spring's really started to get going.

~ Now that I'm finished my delicious mug of chai, I think I should go get myself a real breakfast so that going out doesn't wear me out more than it absolutely has to! Toast sounds good today!

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I am a very happy geek today!

~ Yesterday, my copy of Persona 2 arrived. I'm not playing it yet, because I want to beat Persona 1 first, but at least it's here and I know I can play it whenever I like. (Best of all, the game didn't cost me a thing, since I bought it with the Amazon.ca gift codes that I'd saved up from Swagbucks!)

~ I thought that a while ago, I had requested a review copy of the first volume of the Another manga. I hadn't. Turns out that what I'd requested was a copy of the first volume of the Another novel, which is even better! I was approved for it yesterday, and I'm about 33% done already. Having watched the anime first, it really helps with the imagery, since some descriptions in he novel are a little sparse.

~ Today's the day that Everquest 2 rewards its free players by opening up all classes and races, something which previously had to be paid for. I celebrated this by making a small anthropomorphic cat with black fur and ocelot markings, turning her into a Paladin, and setting her loose amongst fairies. I was tempted to make a dragon-man Bruiser, which is essentially like a Monk with better agility, but I figure I'll save that for later. Razriesh the cat-Paladin will more than suffice for now. :3 I kind of want to spend the rest of the day playing it, but I think I need to lie down for a little while instead of staying sitting up at the table.

~ It's raining today, so I don't have to feel bad about being too tired to go anywhere or do anything. I like listening to the rain on the windows; it always relaxes me.

~ Looking forward to a homemade chocolate-strawberry smoothie later! Yum!

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First off, I'd like to thank the awesome anonymous person who paid for another month of paid time here on DW. I suspect I know who did it, but I think they want to remain anonymous, and I'll respect that. But thank you, never the less! :-D

Back on the cyklo to stop myself from bleeding so heavily. Honestly, my body got about a week where it wasn't bleeding. Maybe a week and a half. Is it even possible to bleed so heavily after such a short period of time?

I suppose my question's being answered as we speak...

Dr. S told me to call her if I started to bleed very heavily again, and she'd rush the surgery date, but in all honesty, I can't do that. For one thing, I don't even have the initial surgery date yet, something which she told me I ought to have the same day I last saw her. It's been a week; no call from her office about when I'm supposed to come back. Secondly, I can't afford it. I have to pay for that $400 piece of equipment they'll be putting in me, and I have to show up at the surgery with it in hand, so it's not like they can just bill me later or something. I haven't been back to work yet (I go back on Friday), and I definitely haven't received any money in weeks, so if she rushes the date, I won't be able to afford it all.

All I can do at the moment is wait. I have plenty of cyklo from when that doctor at the hospital called the prescription to the pharmacy for me, so I shouldn't be too bad off, and I'll continue taking iron pills so that my hemoglobin doesn't dip too low again.

Which reminds me, I need to make an appointment for blood tests soon, too. :/ I hope I can do that on a day when I don't have to go to work. I know it'll only be 2 vials they'll take from me, but given how my energy level has been due to blood problems, I don't want to be anything less than my best when I go for my shift. I already know I'm going to be slow when I go back, and I know they're not going to like that. :/

In happier news, I finished Rachel Hartman's Seraphina (interesting YA fantasy novels, and I can see why it was nominated for awards), and started in on Mercedes Lackey's Redoubt. Once I finish this book, I'll have read all the Valdemar novels. Every last one. I feel pretty proud of that, actually, given how many there are!

I also watched all of the Persona 4 anime in a couple of days, and have made a good start on Persona: Trinity Soul. I can see why Trinity Soul isn't considered canon. It's a good story, but it seems to me like someone came up with the idea, and then a bunch of other people said, "Know what's popular? That Persona thing. Let's slap that name on it so that more people watch it." I keep expecting people's Personas to look like mythological figures. To act like Personas have in games. To be explained as things that give you strength to get through life and all its challenges. So far the best explanation for them is that they're guardian spirits, and they look more like spiritual mechs than anything else.

So yeah, can definitely see why it's not considered canon to the series.

Turkey for supper tonight. Utility turkeys were on sale really cheap at a nearby grocery store, for only a little over $1 per pound. The cheapest one there was just over 5 kg and cost a little over $15, which will end up making a lot of meals! Roast turkey with vegetables, leftover turkey sandwiches, turkey soup or stew. I'm getting hungry just thinking about it!

Current Mood: cheerful

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Apparently, I will be getting surgery.

(I promise I'm going to write about stuff other than my health today. Just... later in the entry.)

Not a hysterectomy, however. Dr. S still doesn't feel that's warranted, though I'm aware that's partly because I'm of child-bearing age and nobody believes me when I say that I don't want children. But given the circumstances, she still thinks that a day surgery to insert an IUD and to take a sample of the uterine lining would be a good idea.

I'm of two minds about this. One one hand, all the research I do says this ought to work to stop the heavy bleeding and actually return my life to rights. On the other hand, if it doesn't work, I'll be out $400 for the device, and will probably have to end up having my uterus removed anyway.

And even if it does work, it'll only work for 5 years. Which, yes, is a long time, but am I going to be in the same boat in 2018? Am I going to go back to heavy bleeding and massive pain and anemia?

She didn't give me too much info about this. The IUD's length of use I had to find out for myself. Now that I know a bit more, I have more questions. Is she going to keep looking for an underlying cause while the IUD's doing its thing? Would the IUD mask the problem, because I might not be showing symptoms to the 'correct' severity? I don't know these things, and I really wish I did.

But for the moment, there isn't much I can do. They'll call me to let me know the date of the surgery, and I can go from there.

She wants me to cut back on the desogestrel for now, though. Double dosing is just too risky, when you consider the risk of clots in my lungs, so I have to dial it back. If I experience another bout of heavy bleeding, I have to call her immediately and she'll do what she can to push the surgery forward. She also wants me to have another thyroid function test done, because she can't understand why Dr. K pretty much went, "Yup, your levels are fine so you don't need to take Synthroid anymore." That may not be the root cause of the problem, but it may be a contributing factor, and she wants to get to the bottom of this and eliminate what she can.

I'm definitely off work for another week or so, to continue to recover from lousy hemoglobin levels. I still get out of breath from walking up the flight of stairs to my apartment, and I've only managed to go a couple of days in total without needing at least one nap in the afternoon, just to keep me going until bedtime. I'm taking iron supplements and being careful about my activity levels, and trying not to get frustrated because I can't do as much as I want to do.

Anyway, in news that doesn't involve what's happening with my internal organs...

I've discovered the joy of Steam, and its many free MMOs. Currently I'm playing Everquest 2, and I have plans to hook up with a few people to play Star Trek Online at some point. I'm looking forward to it. I've been on a bit of a video game kick again, for the first time in years, and I don't know how long it'll last so I'm enjoying it while I can. It occured to me only today that I bought a couple of Humble Indie Bundles in the past, too, and I can register those through Steam, which is what I'm in the process of doing right now.

While also moving some other large files from my laptop to my external hard drive, to clear up some space. Haven't done that for a while, and things are getting cluttered. I suppose I'll also be able to delete the install fires for the Humble Bundle games that I downloaded, too, since I'm re-getting them through Steam. Ought to be able to clear a nice amount of space on my laptop's hard drive.

Still making my way through reruns of Star Trek: TNG, and laughing at the absurd amount of slashiness between Q and Picard. I swear now, watching that show as child much have planted the seeds of slash in my head to flourish as an adult!

Not to mention that I love making jokes about how the Q are just a bunch of space-faeries. Their powers, their arrogant superiority... It's so fitting! The jokes make themselves, sometimes.

I'm tearing my way through Betsy Dornbusch's Exile, which, coincidentally enough, is mildly slashy too. But that's only part of the enjoyment; the plot's quite interesting, the world she built is one that I like the feel of, and her writing is pretty good. Many thanks to Night Shade Books for the ARC, as usual. They provide me with so much reading material!

I seem to be getting a lot of packages in the mail lately, which makes me very happy, because I love receiving mail. My father sent me a box of goodies, among which was a fossil as long as my forearm, two boxes of green tea KitKats, and two boxes of strawberry milk mochi, which were shared with friends and eaten in just two nights! A friend from across the country sent me a copy of Dark Cloud 2, still shrink-wrapped, because I mentioned that I wanted to play the first game in the series after finding it in my bedroom the other week. And just today a package arrived containing a copy of China Mieville's The City and the City, which I won from a contest on a book blog. I feel so happy every day when I go to my mailbox and see even a letter there for me, let alone a whole package of things!

Entry tags:

Holiday plans of goodness

I'm hoping for an awesome day today. Short day at work, for one thing, and made even shorter by the fact that an hour of it will be taken up by a team meeting and another hour will be taken up by a one-on-one with my sup.

Less happy is the thought that today I'm probably going to have to confront the site manager about her BS attempts to punish me for being sick by reducing my hours again before we've had an official re-evaluation. Twice now I've been able to demonstrate that reducing my hours from 8.5 hours 5 days a week to 6.5 hours 5 days a week does not actually improve my attendance. When I get sick, I get sick. For a full day, no matter how many hours I'm scheduled to work. And while reduced shifts means that the site's stats look better because I'm missing fewer hours at a time, it stresses me out further because those reduced shifts just barely cover my rent and bills, so missing a day means I have to take overtime hours and work full-length shifts anyway, plus I get the stress of knowing that if no OT's available, I can't pay my effing bills.

Work claims that reduced hours are for my benefit, to allow me the chance to rest and recover more from crappy illnesses and the tumour and associated symptoms and all that. If they try to make that excuse again, I will throw it in their face, show them proof that it isn't the case, and if they try to reduce my hours again then that excuse just won't fly. And the only other option (especially since there's no medical documentation saying I should be on reduced hours) is that this is a punishment for being sick.

Which means I can bring in the Human Rights Commission, because that falls under discrimination based on a physical disability. They know about the tumour. They know I'm being treated for it. I gave forms to my doctor so he could fax info to them, and I made it clear to him that the only accommodation I need from work is for them to accept that my attendance may be crappy at times (when I can't stand up straight from pain, or when the meds make me want to barf my guts out, I can't go into work), and that I need additional unscheduled bathroom breaks. Anything else is on work's head, and I'm making sure they can't claim that it's for my benefit anymore. Because it isn't.

If they want to actually give me a reduced schedule that will benefit me, it ought to be 8.5 hour shifts 4 days a week, with that extra day off. More actual rest time, less chance I'll get sick on a day I have to work. But that wouldn't suit my workplace, because if I did call in sick some day, I'd be missing 8.5 hours instead of 6.5, and oops, there go the site's stats. I even suggested that schedule to them, back when they first did this to me, and even told them that at the time it would work better that was because I was still in therapy and that would make my therapy days easier. No dice. Not surprised.

Happy thoughts, happy thoughts.

Yes, short shift made shorter. The team meeting will be full of yummy food (someone's making chili for us, if I recall, and I'm bringing in a crate of clementines to share), and we'll be wrapping presents for the family our team's sponsoring for the holidays. We've got a ton of toys and groceries stockpiled for them, and I'm bringing in some last-minute stuff (bag of apples, box of tea, box of instant oatmeal, and a few other sundries), and I only wish I could be there when the stuff is delivered.

After work, I'm meeting a friend to go hang out with his friends, and I'm pretty proud of the fact that I'm doing this because social anxiety is a big thing with me. I'm getting over it, making adjustments and working through the worst parts, and I'm actually excited about going to spend a couple of hours with strangers who, by all accounts, are just as weird and crazy as I am.

After that, three days off work, because I made sure long ago to book Yule off so that I could ave a proper celebration. And from what I plan to do, I'll need those 3 days. Have to go out on Wednesday to pick up a final gift for someone, then I'll probably come home and bake some cookies. Maybe a log cake, since we can't afford an ice cream log cake this year and I recently learned how to roll cakes properly to make the log shape. On Thursday I bake some rolls to munch on, because fresh-baked bread is just that awesome. I'm thinking some regular rolls, then maybe some ham-and-cheese rolls, and I might experiment with sweet rolls if I have the time. And on Friday comes the big feast!

Ham (made extra delicious with apple cider vinegar), potatoes, carrots, peas, possibly turnip. Wine. For dessert, baked apples in cream, which are insanely tasty. Slices of homemade Yule log if we can stuff any more into ourselves by that point.

I expect a load of leftovers, especially of ham, so on my next day off work (which will be the following Wednesday) I'll probably end up making a ham soup. If we haven't devoured the rest of it in sandwiches or other things first. :p

Starting today, everything will be awesome. Awesome, you hear me!

Current Mood: tired

Entry tags:

(no subject)

It's going to be one of those days. I don't mean to sound so pessimistic, but it's just got that feeling. I'm so tired right now that I could cry. My body feels heavy and sluggish and slow, and I can't seem to pull myself together. I slept longer than normal last night, and so now instead of waking up and feeling fine for an hour and then getting so tired I can barely stand, I just woke up that way.

And I have to get through three more days of work like this. I'd call in sick and just spend the rest of the day in bed, but my attendance already sucks and they're watching me like a hawk because of it, and I can't really afford it anyway. They might give me a bit of a pass because of the tumour thing, but that still doesn't make up for the pay that I wouldn't be getting. I just have to go in there and tough it out and hope that it gets better later.

I was actually looking forward to today last week. It was supposed to be an all-day training session at work, but due to the storm and the expected call volume, head office cancelled the training. I thought I might have been able to rest a little more while still being at work, but nope, no such luck.

I don't know if the iron supplements aren't working to combat the fatgieua and anemia, or if they are and I'd be feeling worse still if I wasn't taking them.

On a happier note, I actually cooked a full meal and dessert yesterday, for Samhain. Pan-fried pork medallions and apples, turnip and potatoes cooked together, and carrots. Followed by a pumpkin/cream cheese roll cake for dessert. Things didn't go perfectly in the kitchen, and I made a couple of mistakes, and by the end my feet and back hurt so badly that I could hardly walk properly, but it was fun anyway, and I at least learned from my mistakes. And the food was better than just merely edible.

This Sunday, I'm planning on a roast chicken and vegetables for supper. Probably with stuffing, too, because I like it so much. At least roasts don't require so much active work. Pop 'em in the oven and let them go. Easier to do even if I am really tired that day.

But now it's time for me to get offline and go to work. Leaving a bit early today, so I have time to pick up a drink in between busses. That leaves me with a spare half an hour uptown, but it still beats missing a bus or not having a drink to get me through my shift, so I'll take it. I can read a bit while I'm waiting, after all.

And if I can keep my eyes open when I get home, it'll be time to work on the first part of this year's NaNovel. It'll be nice to get some hardcore writing done again. I finished last year's NaNovel in under 2 weeks, and I know I won't be able to handle that pace this year, but I'm still going to do my best to reach the goal.

Current Mood: happy

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Finally, things to be very happy about!

After a couple of days of crap at work, it's really nice to be able to sit at my computer right now and think, "I'm going to talk about happy things!"

First, I checked my bank account the day before yesterday and discovered $100 more than I was expecting to be in there. I couldn't figure out where it came from, until I saw a deposit for my GST reimbursement thingy. Almost $100 as an expected windfall. This made me really happy, because it meant that I could buy myself a copy of one of the new Pokemon games without waiting for my next paycheque, which was going to be a tight one anyway even if I didn't buy the game.

But then I thought that boo, the game's not gue to be released here until Tuesday. The North American release date is technically October 7, but when sites say "North America", they always just mean "America," because Canada always seems to get video games a day late. And with today being Thanksgiving, that would mean I couldn't pick it up until Tuesday, and then would pretty much have to go straight to work and wouldn't have much time to play it.

But then I heard rumours that WalMart had once again ignored the game's street date and released it early. So I figured I'd check it out, since I had to run errands anyway.

Looks like for once Canada actually got the games without having to wait the extra day, so I happily picked up a copy of Black2 while I was doing my errands yesterday. This practically made me do a happy dance, though I confess to a twinge of guilt because I still haven't actually finished Black or White yet...

But then I ran into a dilemma. See, if I beat the game on Black2, I can unlock Challenge Mode, which ups the ante by boosting levels of trainers and giving Gym Leaders more Pokemon to work with. Perfect! I love a good challenge! Problem is that I also want one of the dowloadable Pokemon that's availably for this game, Genesect, which adds some extra plot stuff and is just generally a cool Pokemon. But if I got that now and restarted my game on Challenge Mode, I'd lose it. So my challenge to get to Challenge Mode is to beat the game before November 12 so that I can restart in Challenge Mode and download Genesect.

Trust me to find a challenge in trying to get an even greater challenge.

Anyway, back to all the good stuff!

While I was out, I decided to stop by the Java Moose and see how much their bottles of chai syrup were. They were less expensive than I thought: $14.99 when I was expecting at least $20. So I bought a bottle, and now I can have iced chai at home, and add chai shots to my hot chocolate. They have plenty of other flavours, too, and I can't wait to buy a few more!

Then it was out to Thanksgiving dinner with a friend's family. It was a small gathering, just 5 people. Unlike the usual gatherings at their house, which often involves at least 7 adults plus 2 kids, and that many people is just overwhelming for me even before you bring the kids into the picture. But a small gathering at a tasty meal was just right, so I was thankful for that!

And there were so many leftovers that we all got send home with a plate of food. My friend also got sent home with a partridge his father had recently hunted, and he said he'd come over and fry it up and we could share it. I've never had partridge before, but I hear it's good. And I'm glad it's not going to waste, since if he hadn't taken it, his father was likely to end up so busy with work this coming week that he wouldn't have had the time to cook it.

So I have plenty of food for the next few days, a new video game to play, and the knowledge that even though it's my regular day off work, I'm still getting paid for it because of the holiday, so my paycheque at the end of the month ought to be a little larger than I was budgeting for. This all feels very nice.

So now I'm going to drink the rest of my tea, and go play some more Pokemon. A good day? Yes, I think so.

Current Mood: optimistic
Current Music: Gackt - Lu:na

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Optimism. I remember optimism.

I don't know why, but today I'm feeling optimistic about many things. Like I want to actually go and get things done. I want to go out sit at The Infusion with a nice cup of tea and a good book. I want to sit down and design patterns for little plushies. I want to work on a Buffalaxed music video. I want to work on the scripting for a movie review. I want to write up some articles for HubPages, since I recently got back into doing that. And I want to do all of this without feeling terribly overwhelmed by the idea of having so many projects and so little time to do them in.

Maybe it's because I know that it's a work day and I don't actually have the ability to do any of these right now. But even so, usually that leaves me feeling bitter and resentful that I can't devote more time to my more enjoyable hobbies.

Maybe I'm changing for the better?

I finished Mercedes Lackey's Owlsight yesterday (a reread for the umpteenth time, but necessary for the Great Valdemar Reread that I'm doing on Bibliotropic), and I'm about halfway through Cassandra Rose Clarke's The Assassin's Curse, which is a much better piece of YA fiction than I expected it to be. I've gotten kind of burned out on YA lately, been disappointed by too many books that fizzle instead of shine, that sound good but are more focused on OMG TEEN ROMANCE than actual plot development. Which kind of sucks right now, since there are actually a bunch of YA novels coming out soon that I've committed to reading, and that I know will be good, but I can't quite bring myself to want to read them that much.

But taking a chance on this one has so far been worth it. Maybe it'll rekindle my interest enough to make me pick up Mike Mullin's Ashen Winter afterward. That's one I'm fairly sure I'll enjoy, if it's as good as the first book he wrote.

But interspersing the YA with some of my beloved Lackey works is a good way of getting over the slump, I think.

And then I have to get back to reading Michael Sullivan's Theft of Swords. I'm not too concerned with finishing that one quickly, mind, since it's a monster of a book, but I don't want to leave it alone too long or else I might fall into that old habit of not actually returning to it.

Pay day tomorrow! Not that I'm expecting much (a week of being sick will do that to a person), but it'll be enough to pay the bills and maybe pick up a few groceries. I think I might splurge on some perogies, since I haven't had them in a while. I think there's still some ham and cheese in the fridge, too, so I might be daring on Sunday and make some ham-and-cheese rolls. Not the healthiest, but still delicious, and certainly far better than me grabbing a muffin or a granola bar for a snack!

Must remember to call my doctor's office on Monday to see if they got my ultrasound results yet. That anxiety is still low in the back of my mind, and I don't think I'll be able to rest easy until I know the results and what's going to be done about them. Not knowing is the hardest part right now. I know that there's almost no chance it's cancer (there's about a 0.001% chance it is, and I'm not putting money on those odds), but there are still a few other options, each of which has a few different treatments, and I want to start on the correct one and get these problems fixed. I'm tired of dreading my period. I'm tired of having to run to the bathroom every half an hour for 3 days. I'm tired of not knowing whether I'm going to have a sleepless night as I have to get up every couple of hours to avoid bleeding on the sheets. I'm tired of not knowing whether I'll be bleeding for 6 days or 2 weeks or another bout of bleeding for 6 weeks.

Those results can't come in fast enough, I tell you.

And I know that whatever it is, I can handle it. I just need to know what it is that I'm going to have to handle, and how I'll be handling it. I can't do anything but wait at the moment, and that's frustrating. But when I find out, I'm confident that even if it's difficult, it won't be something that I can't overcome, or at least lessen to the point where I can improve my quality of life.

Current Mood: awake
Current Music: David Arkenstone - Continue to Be

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Awake too early, of course

Why yes, I am up ridiculously early on a Sunday morning. Even excusing the fact that I've been making an effort to get up earlier these days, I'm definitely up earlier than I want to be. This is due partly to the fact that my cats seemed to want to spend their night visciously attacking the new bedsheets, but mostly because my lungs are extra twitchy today. They've been getting worse over the past week, but it's been a while since I've actually woken up in the middle of the night feeling congested and wheezy.

I don't like it.

Maybe it's because of the fact that the weather's getting colder. Maybe some of the stress I've been under with work and my mother leaving and the worry over Tuesday's ultrasound and a hundred and one other niggling little things. Maybe a combination of everything. But I just plain don't like it.

So I'm going to have to start being really careful with my health if this is the way the winter will go. I can't afford to get sick, especially in my lungs. Lung infections always take their toll in horrible ways.

So I was considering going out to the large weekly flea market that's held on the other side of the city today, but in light of a bad night of sleep plus lung problems, I think I'll give that a miss. I really shouldn't have gone anyway, because a lot of crafters have tables there, and as much as I love supporting local artists, I really don't have the money to do so right now. And I would have found the money to do so, even if it meant getting a smaller order of groceries. Which doesn't always work, and has sometimes left me mealless.

So yes, financial wisdom plus health wisdom equal me not going out much today. I'll take a day to recover, to relax, maybe make some headway on other projects. I keep getting distracted away from books I should be reading by books that I don't actually have committments to read. Bad book reviewer, bad! (Or, more accurately, "Damn you, A J Jacobs, for writing another hilarious memoir!")

Maybe I'll do some cooking today. I made a really delicious quiche the other night. Hame, cheese, and spinach. It was my first time making quiche, and it turned out pretty well. I think I'll avoid store-bought pie-shells next time, though, and just experiment with making my own. If I can learn to make a nice light flaky crust, then that would go perfectly with the quiche.

But since I already made the quiche, I'm not sure what I'll make today...

I want to make a batch of baked beans this week, so I'll put the beans on to soak tonight and do the cooking tomorrow before my therapy session. I might also get really daring and try for a loaf of bread. It's been years since I last made any, but I remember that I did find it to be a lot of fun. Punching the dough down, kneading it. And the way it makes the place smell, too! Very therapeutic!

Maybe I'll make the bread today, if I feel up to it. Really, if I bake two loaves of bread a week, that will probably get me through the rest of the week without needing to purchase any from the grocery store. Which will save me money in the long run. Flour's cheap from the bulk store, yeast lasts for quite a while, and the only really expensive parts would be if I decide to make any specialty breads, like that buttermilk garlic bread I made years ago. Delicious stuff (a couple of friends and I ate the two long loaves almost before they had finished cooling completely, because it was so tasty), but since it involves extra ingredients like butermilk, I don't think I'll be making it very often.

Might be a nice Samhain or Yule treat, though. Both of those days I have booked off work, so if I want to make special bread for the evening, there's nothing to stop me! (Assuming I could afford the ingredients, of course.)

But enough babbling about food. I think it's time I went and built my Druid back up in Diablo II. I miss my old wolfbrother Druid. So awesome. But the only question is what to name him... I wish I could remember what my old Druid had been named. That would solve the problem easily! Ah well, I'm sure I'll find something. And the hordes of darkness shall tremble!

Current Mood: optimistic

Entry tags:

Improving myself as I go

Know what I miss? I miss spending days doing little but playing video games or reading, with no responsibilities to draw me away from the enjoyment of those pursuits. I miss knowing that I was walking for 3-6 miles a day in order to get done all that I needed to do. I miss cooking meals and feeling proud of having cooked them.

In short, I kind of miss being unemployed and poor. But not really. It's complicated.

I miss what being unemployed and poor had to teach me. I spent days playing video games and reading because I didn't have TV at the time (couldn't afford it) and after browsing the job bank and sending out resumes, there wasn't too much else to do. I often couldn't afford a bus pass, and so I had to walk everywhere, and since I had a pedometer, I'd often come back from my walks to get groceries or drop off a resume and discover that wow, I actually walked for 5 miles that day! Being short of money forced me to really stretch my imagination when it came to food, and to learn how to cook good meals from very little for the first time in my life, and I used to really enjoy days spent in the kitchen.

It's not that I want to be unemployed and broke again. I'm also happy being comfortably well off. I like the security of knowing that I'm going to wake up tomorrow and be able to go and earn money to keep a roof over my head and to put food in my belly and keep paying off my debt.

But I also miss the flexibility that such an inflexible lifestyle gave me. The enforced creativity I had to learn in order to make life not only bearable, but actually happy. Strange as it may sound, I look back on that time and realize that I have neither before nor since felt so spiritually fulfilled as I did when I had so very little.

I want to try to get back to that feeling as much as I can. I know there are some things that will just be impossible, though. Having to work 42.5 hours a week, I can't spend days at a time just reading books nonstop, or playing video games, because I have to go to work. I have an unlimited bus pass, so there are going to be many times I'll end up taking the bus because I can, rather than having to walk.

But there are consessions that I can make, and I can start doing things that will only benefit me in the end. For one thing, I need to set a budget, and stick to it. Rent and bills are pretty much a fixed amount, and only the cost of groceries really fluctuates, so I can make myself stick to a certain grocery budget each month. This will be much easier to do if I actually plan my grocery shopping in advance, making lists of what to buy based on what's on sale rather than just waiting until I get to the store and seeing what looks tasty.

And to walk more, I'll get a new battery for my pedometer and walk to the grocery store and get a bus back, instead of getting a bus both ways. That way I get more exercise. Which I know from experience makes me appreciate good food all the more! And the pedometer will let me keep track of how far I walk and give me a sense of pride in my accomplishments, one that I can see immediately. Instant gratification has always worked well for me.

I will allow myself $20 a paycheque to play around with as I like, to buy a meal, or some craft supplies, or a book, or whatever. The rest of the money gets put into savings. If I need the money, it's there. If I don't, it keeps getting saved up. There's no downside to that, really. And $20 every 2 weeks may not seem like a lot of personal spending money, but that's kind of the point. I don't want to think that I have so much at my disposal, because when I do, I've already learned that I start to take it for granted.

And I'll make a point of cooking at least one meal a week. And by 'meal', I actually mean something that will get me through multiple meals. A pot of soup or chili, a pie, something like that. I miss taking pride in my cooking, and I miss learning new recipe.

So bearing all that in mind, this Sunday, I am going to make a ham-cheese-and-spinache quiche, because it sounds delicious and ham was on sale at the grocery store. On Monday, I will walk to the grocery store and buy beans, let them soak that night, and then on Tuesday make baked beans with leftover ham in them. Honestly, those two things alone will probably provide enough leftovers to keep me going for half a week, and I have no qualms about eating leftovers at work. Some people can't bring themselves to let others know they eat leftovers. Not sure why, but everyone's got their hangups, I guess.

I think that being more restrictive with my life and my money will ultimately benefit me. If nothing else, I'll relearn some old skills and end up with some money in savings for the first time ever. Even if it isn't much, it'll be something.

Wonder how long I can keep this going before I first fall off the wagon. I don't mean to sound pessimistic there. I just know it will happen. But as my psychiatrist says, mastery only comes after a series of failures and successes. With each failure, so long as I learn from it, then it wasn't a wasted experience, and I can deal with that. But I'll try to stay on the wagon for as long as possible.

Current Mood: hopeful
Current Music: The Cruxshadows - Jackal-Head

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One day to go!

Last day of work before my weekend! And also a day in which I get an extra $0.25 an hour, as weekend pay. My workplace has a lot of problems, but they're surprisingly generous when it comes to bonuses just for working what you're already scheduled to work. (Of course, that might be the client more than the contracting company, I'm not really sure.) But regardless, I'm determined to stay as positive as I can today, knowing that I just have to get through this one shift before I can have a rest.

And I didn't have any nightmares last night! This may not sound like much to celebrate, but since I've had nightmares 3 nights out of the past 8, I'm considering it a good thing. I usually don't have so many nightmares unless I'm very stressed out, and while there has been some badness in my life lately, I don't know that it's enough to stress me out that much. But I'm having nightmares enough that I'm tempted to actually start keeping a dream journal again, so that I can keep things clear enough to try and work my way through them.

Luckily, my therapy sessions begin again this coming Monday evening, so I can talk with my psychiatrist about this. Among other things. Like finding a good support group for Tourette's sufferers, because my tics are getting really bad again. When I'm not out in public, it's not so bad, because even if I make weird noises, nobody's around to hear them. And if my hands start to spasm like crazy, I can just take a break from what I'm doing until it stops, and I really can't do that when I'm in the middle of a call at work.

Last night, I finished reading Gwenda Bond's Blackwood. It wasn't bad. Certainly an interesting topic for a YA novel (the disappearance of the originl Virginia colony), and I enjoyed the story, but it wasn't the greatest thing I've ever read. Sometimes the writing style ensures that the reader feels very distant from the action. And characters very often take leaps of logic that turn out to be utterly right, based on nothing but a feeling, and of course two people always come to the same conclusions with very little prompting from the other. There's also the sense that often comes along with YA adventures, that the only consequences are emotional ones. A character breaks the law, gets into many dangerous situations, and is wanted by the FBI, but in the end goes free because the feds just don't know how to write up the report because of paranormal weirdness. No consequences, and almost-classic "happily ever after" ending. But still, a decent read.

As soon as I'd finished that, though, I started reading Octavia Butler's Wild Seed. I'm not very far into it, but it seems interesting so far, even if there's a lot of third-person omniscient exposition going on. It's an interesting set-up with some fascinating characters, and I want to read more.

You know, I think I'll be a little bit bad today and buy breakfast. Tim Horton's makes delicious ranch chicken mini sandwiches that I'm addicted to, and an extra large tea never goes amiss with me. And since chicken seems very appealing to me right now, I'll use some of the leftover chicken I have here to make a couple of sandwiches to take with me for supper, too.

Hope work isn't too busy today. It's always nice when things are a little bit slow before a weekend. But I doubt it. Our genius of a site manager went and created about half of the shifts with a combination of Saturday, Sunday, or Monday off, which now makes those the busiest days for calls. I myself have two of those days off (I got lucky on the shift bid), but I still have to deal with one of them, which is a pain. But again, positive attitude, it's only one day, and then I have a couple of days off, so I'll trudge through and will try and make it as easy on myself as I can!

Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: David & Diane Arkenstone - Reflections

Entry tags:

Some positivity in my life

Next week at work sounds like it could actually be fun. Two barbeques, for one thing. The first is because our centre raised the most money for local disaster relief, and the second one is because the class I was in collected the most food for the local food bank. The second barbeque is one that's limited only to our class, rather than the whole centre. So that means that out of the four days I'll be at work next week, I only need to bring lunch on two of them.

Also, on Friday the class is being taken to tour a nearby hotel, as a sort of field trip. I'm quite interested in this, not only because it will get me off the phones for a little while, but also because I admit that I only know some of the inner workings of hotels and hotel management, and I'm hoping to learn something new while I'm there. Either about the hotel, the hotel chain, or just how things are run behind the scenes.

I spent most of this evening turning the numerous strips of paper that I'd cut over the past few days into beads. I didn't get them all done, mostly because of sore muscles in my neck making it hard to sit forward in my chair, but I probably got about a third of them made. They're from strips of red and black paper, and some of the beads will be black outside with a red centre, and some red outside with a black centre. I think they'll make rather nice bracelets.

Tomorrow, I'm going to try to make the rest of the strips into beads, as well as string them all on elastic so that they're proper bracelets. I think I should be able to make five bracelets. Possibly six. I wonder if I'll be able to entice anyone into buying one.

Also tomorrow, I'm planning a blog makeover. Not this one, but my book review blog. I think I mentioned last time that there are a ton of dead links that need fixing, lists that need to be redone and updated, and reviews that need to be written. I know I'm going to have a few spare hours tomorrow, so I'm going to try and get as much of that done as I can in that time.

I was struck today by the strange urge to reread all of Erin Hunter's Warriors books. I have most of them, and I enjoy them a lot. I'd call them light reading, because they're about cats and written for a mid-grade/young adult audience, but really, the tone of those books can get pretty dark. Lots of characters die, sometimes in very nasty ways. I felt a little queasy more than once while reading the series. But still, the books are very quick to get through, I'm really behind on my reading goals, and I was thinking of doing a "Warriors Wednesday" feature on my book review blog too.

There are a few features I started there and never finished. I should add that to the list of things I need to do in an overhaul.

Sadly, at this point, I think I do actually need to make a list. Let's see...

~ Fix all dead links on the review listing
~ Create a new list that organizes the reviews by title
~ Create a new list that organizes the reviews by the book's publication date
~ Update the list of books I've received for review
~ Make a list of the features that have been started, and that I want to start
~ Type up backlogged reviews

See? Not exactly a small task. But fortunately, I actually like taking care of things like this. The problem is often just finding the time to do so, and making sure that I don't get distracted by other things too. Sometimes that can be tough, but tomorrow, by damn, I'm going to sit down and just do it!

No matter how many things need sewing or how many bracelets need stringing.

Current Mood: creative
Current Music: Air - All I Need

Entry tags:

Keep creative!

I survived my first week back at work. Well, first four days, anyway, since they're insistant that since I have therapy on Monday mornings, for the benefit of my emotional state, I should just skip Mondays at work entirely for now. So I really only work for 4 days a week, for the next while.

I'd be fine with this, if it wasn't for the fact that I'm in retraining, so my study and relearning time has been cut down by 20% just in that one "consideration."

Another lovely consideration of theirs is constantly checking in with me to see how I'm doing. I was asked 5 times in 4 days how I'm feeling. I might think this was out of genuine concern for my wellbeing, if it wasn't for the fact that a girl who spent some time in the cardiac unit of the hospital earlier this week only was asked once how she was going.

I stand by my theory that they're afraid of me, and trying to cover themselves. Badly.

But I'm trying not to let all that get me down, and I'm trying to keep my mind focused on more entertaining things, happier things. For instance, this weekend was good. I went out to Jade City with a friend to celebrate a slightly belated birthday dinner. Chinese-Canadian buffet, yum. I especially liked the deep-fried balls filled with azuki paste. They haven't had anything with azuki for a while, and it was a real treat to find some again.

Today, I amused myself by reading (Leigh Bardugo's Shadow and Bone is actually far more entertaining than I expected it to be), and making paper beads for a bracelet.

I used pages from a magazine to make the beads, and then applied a sealant to make them sturdier and a bit more water resistant, and then strung them on stretchy jewellery cord. I definitely want to make more of these, both of bracelets and necklaces. They're fiddly to make, but they're satisfying, and they can make some quite unique jewellery.

I'm also very tempted to make some friendship bracelets again. I used to make then by the dozen when I was younger, but gave them up years ago when they fell out of popularity (and so most of my friends stopped appreciating them as gifts). But I've seen some amazing examples of them lately, and it's made me want to make them again. The proper term for the technique used to make them is Cavandoli macrame, which is simple enough and yet holds so many possibilities with colour. And other kinds of macrame have their own charm. I'll probably end up experimenting with a lot of different styles.

Tomorrow, after group therapy, I do believe I'm meeting friends so that we can all go and see The Avengers. Not a movie I would see in theatres under normal circumstances, but spending time with friends is a good motivator, and it should be fun either way. I'm looking forward to it.

Shame that tomorrow coming means one day closer to going back to work, though.

Positive! Must think positively!

Current Mood: indifferent
Current Music: Final Fantasy IX OST - Frontier Village Dali

Entry tags:

Daily ramblings

I'm hooked on the House: Critical Cases game on Facebook now. The concept of medicine is terrible, there are plenty of typos, and it's really just a glorified puzzle game, but it's a lot of fun. I spend part of my day now playing doctor.

Therapy went well today. It was hard to speak sometimes, especially when dealing with difficult emotional circumstances, but at least I managed to not shed any tears this time. I understand that it's one of those things that goes hand-in-hand with difficult things, but I hate crying, especially when I'm around other people. I feel weak, and I can never quite shake the feeling that people might think that I'm only crying to garner sympathy, rather than because I actually don't know how to express what I'm feeling without having an over-the-top emotional reaction.

It's getting better, though, and I'm glad of it. That's the whole point of therapy, after all. To help me improve.

I don't have much else to do this evening. I should wash a load of dishes, but other than that, I'm probably going to end up spending most of my time lying on the couch, listening to music and getting lost in books. I'm about a quarter of the way through The Kingdom of Gods right now, and still having major character-love for Sieh. Needs more Nahadoth, though. But then again, as far as I'm concerned, many things need more Nahadoth.

I wish I had some juice in the fridge right now. I ran out yesterday, and don't have the money at the moment to go buy any new stuff. My dad said he'd float some money my way, but it hasn't arrived yet, so I'll jus have to be patient and wait until it comes before I buy any groceries. Luckily I still have plenty of rice in the cupboard, and even a couple of pork chops, so it's not like I'm dying for lack of food, but it does get a little tedious, eating the same stuff day after day because I can't afford anything else right now.

Hopefully that will end soon. I've got my fingers crossed, anyway.

Right, enough rambling. Time to go and curl up with The Kingdom of Gods and my iPod.