(no subject)

Holy crap, it's cold out there today. Single digits temperature now. Definitely one of those mornings where it's far more appealing to just curl back up under the covers rather than get up and start going about your day. I just hope they remember to adjust the temperature at work so that it's not freezing cold in there all day.

Of course, we're into that time of year where even though the nights and mornings are quite chilly, the days can sometimes still be very comfortable and warm, so there might not be much of a need for that.

Last night I started cutting some fabric to make holiday-themed quilted coasters. Plenty of sewing ahead of me for that, but they're small projects, which means they'll get finished fairly quickly and it'll feel like I've accomplished more than I really have. Sometimes I need projects like that to get myself motivated for bigger projects.

I'll probably keep one set for myself and then sell the others to see if I can get a little more money for holiday gifts this year. I like making as many gifts as I can, but when I can't, I always try to buy from local or small businesses. This year, that will probably mean buying from Etsy stores with the money that's in my PayPal account, so even if the businesses aren't local, I'm still doing my part to help out other small business owners around the world.

Started watching the second season on Community last night. The first few episodes were rather dull and over-the-top with their storyline and acting, but things seemed to settle down a bit as they went on. There are still a lot of things that bug me about the show, but I can enjoy watching it, and it's nice that Netflix has some new episodes.

Which I should probable go and watch a couple of before I have to leave for my shift. Grab myself some breakfast (honey Shreddies, yum!), sit down with some more fabric to cut up, and enjoy a mindless hour and a half before I have to drag my butt off the couch and go to a job I'd really rather not go to.

(I just have to keep remembering that I'm slowly working toward making my life better and being able to get away from that job. On days when it really gets me down, I have to remember to keep telling myself that it's really only temporary, and that I can get through it.)

(no subject)

Okay, suddenly having strong and inexplicable panic attacks isn't good. I was doing so well this morning. And then wham, this hit about half an hour ago, and now I'm shaking so hard that it's hard to type, and now I feel doubly useless because I had to call in to work because I know when I'm like this I have a hard time moving from room to room, let alone going outside my apartment door.

Fuck, I hate this. I haven't had panic like this in a long time, and I haven't missed it.

I'm going to go do something calming and repetitive and distracting until the bad feelings go away. If I can.

Fuck, this blows.

What I wouldn't give for a Persona-phone right about now. Call up an alernate facet of my personality that can just take the lead and go in to work and not worry about problems like this. Where's my evoker, huh? They could deal with the headache, too.

Hope I can manage to do something useful today. Maybe if the calming repetitive thing I do is something I can sell later?

Or maybe I should just glug NyQuil and go back to sleep until it's passed.

I don't know. Babbling isn't helping. And I hate that I'm going to be sullying this journal with a stupid babbling entry made during a panic attack, but sometimes writing helps, and I couldn't think of anything else to write but stream-of-consciousness stuff about what I'm going through.

Going offline. If anyone needs me, call my Persona-phone.